Inspiration through Sangat|
Growing up i was the typical punjabi kid you see out there. Had his hair but has no
idea why. Just kept my kesh cause my parents made me from a child. Having kesh never
really stopped me from being in the "bad crowd". In fact I was usually amongst the
leaders of the "bad crowd". I had no sikhi love in me at all. I used to go to
gurdwara at least a couple times a week, but only to play hockey, or talk to my
friends. I remember numerous days in the diwan hall just confused and bored waiting
for these raagi's to do Anand Sahib so i can go eat.
Any how, Highschool came around and i got into an even more bad crowd. When i was
14 most of my friends were 18-19, into doing weed, drinking and skipping school.
I quickly became just like them, and in grade nine i took up smoking, weed, drinking
and skipping school. When I was 17, I cut my kesh. I always wanted to cut my kesh
but i never had the guts to do it infront of my parents. One day i called my best
friend and i asked him to cut my kesh. He replied "you always say that man, u sure
this time?". I replied yes. SO he came over and cut my kesh. At the time, I didnt
feel bad at all. I really didnt know how great Khalsa is and how great Guru sahib
is, remember i was just a typical punjabi kid.
I still remember I was too scared to go home after i cut my hair that i stayed away
from home for 2 days, and only told my dad on the phone that i cut my kesh.
Surprisly my dad wasnt really upset he told me "you made a mistake, and you'll
eventually realize how bad of a mistake you made". I came home after 2 days
expecting my dad to tell my mom. But he purposly didnt. I still remember the
look on my mom's face, so much pain and dissapointment.
Looking back now, I remember everytime my friends got into "big" trouble, like jail
time, charges, heavy fights, or anything really huge. I was never there. I started
to not like what my friends were doing, but i couldnt break free from them totally.
they were my "boyz".
The turning point.
I heard some good singhs tell me, that when you get into sikhi your mind
just thinks different. Sikhi things makes you happy, and other things just
seem so bad. I wanted to quit smoking. Most smokers know its bad, but they dont
have the will power to quit. Well one day I just decided that I dont want to smoke
anymore (5 years being a smoker). I dont know where this came from, but i did a
form of ardaas to vaheguru to help me quit. I just got a feeling of so much love
and i got addicted to this pyaar. I quit smoking, and weed almost instantly.
I still drank though. But every time I drank and got drunk I would talk about Guru
Gobind Singh Jee, and sikhs and khalsa. My friends all used to hate drinking with
me, cause i would ruin the "buzz" by talking about religion. Every time we went out
i would talk about religion, sikhi, everything. I used to tell them in a drunken
stuper, "im gonna keep my kesh man, im gonna stop all this stuff", they would
laugh and say "YOU!? hahaah..yeah right guy,you neverrr". I knew at that time that
i wanted to keep my kesh. I was so determined. I didnt want to just keep kesh
though and keep doing bad things. I wanted to be clean first then keep kesh. At
this point i tried to change my sangat to more positive sangat.
The turning point was when I was asked by a Singh to play in a basketball
tournament. It was some "baba deep singh" team. At the time I had no idea who
Baba Deep Singh was. During practice I met young gursikhs in bana and kirpans and
daamaala's. I admired them sooooo much.
I never really met a true singh before, and i was soo happy to see them, that i didnt
want to leave their side.
Around that time, I was chatting with some girl I knew on the phone and she wanted
to meet up with me. She asked me to come to gurudwara to see her at night, becuase her
parents are religious and they go to these all night keertans. She only wanted me
to come to kinda hook up. I replied "i'll come to gurdwara, but im not gonna talk
to you there. I always knew it was wrong to pick up girls at gurdwara. My manmukh
self knew this much at least. At the time i was staying at my chachee's house who
is amritdari, and i asked her if shes going to this "all night keertan". Shes told
me yes. so i went. I walked into the main hall. it was FILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEd with
Guru khalsa. I had no idea about this stuff. I sat
down And started listening to keertan. from about 10 pm to about 12 am I sat there.
My cuzins walked over to me and said they are leaving and told me to get ready.
I couldnt leave the keertan I wanted to stay so bad. I just told them to go
without me and I'll come home with my chachee. I think i was the only Mona in
the whole Hall! At the end of the reansabayee My chachee brought me over to meet
an old gursikh. (it was bhai Jeevan Singh) He smiled and gave me a fateh. After
that day i really liked sikhi.
I downloaded Keertan from the internet and used to listen to it night and day.
Rap music, other music wasnt appealing to me. Only keertan.
Going away from home.
I got acceptance to University Away from my house. I wanted to go away so i
accepted it. This was a great turning point in my life. I finally was broken
free from my friends in my area who were drinking and what not. I was starting
new and fresh. My first year of university I met good sangat. I quit drinking
about 2 months into my first year, and I started keeping my kesh. It was funny.
A bearded guy with a football tuke on walking around
campus. Eventually my singh friends at university told me its time for me to put
on a dastaar. They came over. My closest singh friend took off his daastaar from
his head and tied it on me. when i looked in the mirror I felt sooooooo goood. I
looked at myself my kesh my daarree and i felt so proud. I remember my old self
when i was a kid, who used to hate my kesh and resent it, and now im looking in
the mirror and im soo proud to display kesh. It was an amazing feeling.
Soon after I knew i was gonna take amrit. I had a very close friend and we both
knew we were gonna take amrit but we were just getting ready. I prepared for
about 2 years, used to do as much paat as i could, hang out with khalsa only,
stopped going to clubs, stopped listening to music, just those things never
appealed to me anymore.
There was a very big incident that happend in my life that really got me close
with some Singhs. It was a tough time and I went everywhere for help and
assistance but everywhere i turned I couldnt get help. Eventually some
upstanding singhs came into the picture and totally helped out. This was the
main thing that pushed me over the edge. I now knew where i wanted to take amrit.
I wanted to be just like those singhs. So i decided to take amrit at the next
amrit sanchaar they held. I soon realized that what
they do is khalsa gurmat, and everything made sense to me.
Weekend of Amrit Sanchaar.
I came to Gurdwara dressed in Bana, to listen to akhaand paat sahib before amrit
sanchaar. I remember the bibi on roll sewa was such an amazing paaati and i
admired her big daamala and blue chola. I listend to as much of the akaaand
paat sahib as i could. It was there I got darshan of Gursikhs that i admire
to this day. They gave me so much love and support, I think they could tell
i was nervous about taking amrit. The amrit sanchaar was unbeliveable. There
are many many things that happend inside with panj and during amrit sanchaar
that i wont go into. But after taking amrit my life completely changed. I was
reborn. Words cannot describe the power of amrit and naam. I urge anybody who
hasnt asked for amrit from panj to do so as soon as possible. Your life will
never be the same after. The pyaar that i feel inside with other Guru khalsa
currently im trying my hardest to remain in sangat, have rehit, keep amrit vela
and jaap as much naam as i can. When i look back into the past, I cant believe
how i lived without Guru Sahib.