Growing up.

Growing up i was the typical punjabi kid you see out there. Had his hair but has no idea why. Just kept my kesh cause my parents made me from a child. Having kesh never really stopped me from being in the "bad crowd". In fact I was usually amongst the leaders of the "bad crowd". I had no sikhi love in me at all. I used to go to gurdwara at least a couple times a week, but only to play hockey, or talk to my friends. I remember numerous days in the diwan hall just confused and bored waiting for these raagi's to do Anand Sahib so i can go eat.

Any how, Highschool came around and i got into an even more bad crowd. When i was 14 most of my friends were 18-19, into doing weed, drinking and skipping school. I quickly became just like them, and in grade nine i took up smoking, weed, drinking and skipping school. When I was 17, I cut my kesh. I always wanted to cut my kesh but i never had the guts to do it infront of my parents. One day i called my best friend and i asked him to cut my kesh. He replied "you always say that man, u sure this time?". I replied yes. SO he came over and cut my kesh. At the time, I didnt feel bad at all. I really didnt know how great Khalsa is and how great Guru sahib is, remember i was just a typical punjabi kid.

I still remember I was too scared to go home after i cut my hair that i stayed away from home for 2 days, and only told my dad on the phone that i cut my kesh. Surprisly my dad wasnt really upset he told me "you made a mistake, and you'll eventually realize how bad of a mistake you made". I came home after 2 days expecting my dad to tell my mom. But he purposly didnt. I still remember the look on my mom's face, so much pain and dissapointment.

Looking back now, I remember everytime my friends got into "big" trouble, like jail time, charges, heavy fights, or anything really huge. I was never there. I started to not like what my friends were doing, but i couldnt break free from them totally. they were my "boyz".

The turning point.

I heard some good singhs tell me, that when you get into sikhi your mind just thinks different. Sikhi things makes you happy, and other things just seem so bad. I wanted to quit smoking. Most smokers know its bad, but they dont have the will power to quit. Well one day I just decided that I dont want to smoke anymore (5 years being a smoker). I dont know where this came from, but i did a form of ardaas to vaheguru to help me quit. I just got a feeling of so much love and i got addicted to this pyaar. I quit smoking, and weed almost instantly.

I still drank though. But every time I drank and got drunk I would talk about Guru Gobind Singh Jee, and sikhs and khalsa. My friends all used to hate drinking with me, cause i would ruin the "buzz" by talking about religion. Every time we went out i would talk about religion, sikhi, everything. I used to tell them in a drunken stuper, "im gonna keep my kesh man, im gonna stop all this stuff", they would laugh and say "YOU!? hahaah..yeah right guy,you neverrr". I knew at that time that i wanted to keep my kesh. I was so determined. I didnt want to just keep kesh though and keep doing bad things. I wanted to be clean first then keep kesh. At this point i tried to change my sangat to more positive sangat.

The turning point was when I was asked by a Singh to play in a basketball tournament. It was some "baba deep singh" team. At the time I had no idea who Baba Deep Singh was. During practice I met young gursikhs in bana and kirpans and daamaala's. I admired them sooooo much. I never really met a true singh before, and i was soo happy to see them, that i didnt want to leave their side.

Around that time, I was chatting with some girl I knew on the phone and she wanted to meet up with me. She asked me to come to gurudwara to see her at night, becuase her parents are religious and they go to these all night keertans. She only wanted me to come to kinda hook up. I replied "i'll come to gurdwara, but im not gonna talk to you there. I always knew it was wrong to pick up girls at gurdwara. My manmukh self knew this much at least. At the time i was staying at my chachee's house who is amritdari, and i asked her if shes going to this "all night keertan". Shes told me yes. so i went. I walked into the main hall. it was FILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEd with Guru khalsa. I had no idea about this stuff. I sat down And started listening to keertan. from about 10 pm to about 12 am I sat there. My cuzins walked over to me and said they are leaving and told me to get ready. I couldnt leave the keertan I wanted to stay so bad. I just told them to go without me and I'll come home with my chachee. I think i was the only Mona in the whole Hall! At the end of the reansabayee My chachee brought me over to meet an old gursikh. (it was bhai Jeevan Singh) He smiled and gave me a fateh. After that day i really liked sikhi.

I downloaded Keertan from the internet and used to listen to it night and day. Rap music, other music wasnt appealing to me. Only keertan.

Going away from home.

I got acceptance to University Away from my house. I wanted to go away so i accepted it. This was a great turning point in my life. I finally was broken free from my friends in my area who were drinking and what not. I was starting new and fresh. My first year of university I met good sangat. I quit drinking about 2 months into my first year, and I started keeping my kesh. It was funny. A bearded guy with a football tuke on walking around campus. Eventually my singh friends at university told me its time for me to put on a dastaar. They came over. My closest singh friend took off his daastaar from his head and tied it on me. when i looked in the mirror I felt sooooooo goood. I looked at myself my kesh my daarree and i felt so proud. I remember my old self when i was a kid, who used to hate my kesh and resent it, and now im looking in the mirror and im soo proud to display kesh. It was an amazing feeling.

Soon after I knew i was gonna take amrit. I had a very close friend and we both knew we were gonna take amrit but we were just getting ready. I prepared for about 2 years, used to do as much paat as i could, hang out with khalsa only, stopped going to clubs, stopped listening to music, just those things never appealed to me anymore.

The incident.

There was a very big incident that happend in my life that really got me close with some Singhs. It was a tough time and I went everywhere for help and assistance but everywhere i turned I couldnt get help. Eventually some upstanding singhs came into the picture and totally helped out. This was the main thing that pushed me over the edge. I now knew where i wanted to take amrit. I wanted to be just like those singhs. So i decided to take amrit at the next amrit sanchaar they held. I soon realized that what they do is khalsa gurmat, and everything made sense to me.

Weekend of Amrit Sanchaar.

I came to Gurdwara dressed in Bana, to listen to akhaand paat sahib before amrit sanchaar. I remember the bibi on roll sewa was such an amazing paaati and i admired her big daamala and blue chola. I listend to as much of the akaaand paat sahib as i could. It was there I got darshan of Gursikhs that i admire to this day. They gave me so much love and support, I think they could tell i was nervous about taking amrit. The amrit sanchaar was unbeliveable. There are many many things that happend inside with panj and during amrit sanchaar that i wont go into. But after taking amrit my life completely changed. I was reborn. Words cannot describe the power of amrit and naam. I urge anybody who hasnt asked for amrit from panj to do so as soon as possible. Your life will never be the same after. The pyaar that i feel inside with other Guru khalsa is unexplainable.

Presently.

currently im trying my hardest to remain in sangat, have rehit, keep amrit vela and jaap as much naam as i can. When i look back into the past, I cant believe how i lived without Guru Sahib.