Peace at Last|
I am not a good writer but will try to explain how with Guru's kirpa, I came
First thing that needs to be said (and it's the same with everyone else)
is that we were all destined with Guru's blessings to take on this way of life.
It all stems from previous janams. We are all on a spirtual journey and thus
Waheguru alone knows what experiences we all had to face in this life before
I was born in UK. Mum and dad were both from eduacated, well known families back
in india. Dad's family was from panjab and most of his elder brothers were into
Sikhi,one in particurlar has been a great influence.
While mums family were raised in Delhi, not much into Sikhi but some of the
most nicest people you could ever meet.
Anyway growing up in uk, i didn't know anything about Sikhi, all my friends as a
kid were english, mum and dad in their own way have always had a yearning for
sikhi (which with Guru Sahib's kirpa is coming out at the moment) but in those
days the whole family were more into working hard sending kids to good schools,
dad would work away from home just so the family would have a good life.
anyway uptill 14 i was just growing up as any other kid school, tv, football,
playing with friends etc etc.
At this point in my life - some people might view as a negative part of my life,
however now looking back i know i had to go through this in order to be on the
sikhi path today, Guru Sahib only alone knows the reasons why everything in my
life was about to happen.
i had an elder brother who was always there for me, anything i needed he was
there - however once he left home for uni, i started hanging around with ppl
who were my brothers age -6/7 yrs older, still being young and naive (14) i
thought too they would look after me like my brother used to.
BUT no i ended up getting into everything for a good 4 year period, i started
smoking, drinking, taking all kinds of drugs, dealing drugs, getting into fights,
robbery, everything. i used to go to all night raves deal drugs and take plenty
of them too, i would get so high and in all honesty at that time the highs used
to feel so good (but only now do i realsie these were all temporary highs, the
real high is naam - never ending)
anyway by the age of 18 i was a real gone case- so skinny, 24/7 i was out of my
face. These years i had put everyone around me through so much;(( Again even
in those days Guru Sahib was with me because unlike my friends i was fortunate
never to get caught by the police and go to prision, i still was in school
passing my exams (even though i sat all my 16+ exams out my face on drugs)
so with Guru Sahibs kirpa i managed to get into a university i still don't know
how to this day. Anyway university was a turnring point
The first year of uni i was still the same going out all night etc just leading
that carefree life, but that's when problems started as i had cut down heavily
on taking drugs, paranoia, depression, mental problems started, as a 18 yr old
way from home i thought everyone was out to get me, the paranoia became worst,
and one night i couldn't take it anymore, i was on a 4 year comedown and totally
paranoid, so i sat in my room crying my eyes out about to kill myself, then out
of no where came my moms voice (when i was a little child about 3 or 4 i couldn't
sleep and used to get scared and at those times my mom used to say if u get scared
say 'waheguru' 5 times and u will be ok), my mom was sayign the same thing as
she used to say when i was 4 yrs old 'say waheguru' 5 times and u will be ok.
u must realise at this time in my life i didn't even know what waheguru was,
or anything about sikhi, but sub counsciensely because i had said waheguru
when i was young it was buried deep in my mind/soul.
anyway that day in my eyes was the first major turning point (however Guru sahib
probaly thinks different :)
from that day i knew i had to sort my life out, again with Guru's kirpa the second
year of uni - i ended up living with panjabis - at this point i had given up drugs
etc- and as all my previous friends had been gora, i thought yeah at last i have
found my own people.
but far from it i released that panjabis were worse especially in
drinking/gambling/fighting etc so i spend this year in the panjabi culture,
during this year something really amazing happened, i would like to think it was
an amzing blessing and a spirtual experience but only Guru sahib knows the truth,
i don't really want to say much about this experince, but this was the beginning
of the reawakening of my soul. after this i was still going out with all the lads,
but deep down i was asking myself 'is this what life's about?
One other interesting story from this time of my life was after lectures one day,
we had been drinking heavy all day and i had a arguement with a friend and i began
to cry heavily and was totally confused in the head, there were about 7 ppl in the
room and i just flipped, i started wailling on the floor saying 'take me to the
Gurdwara, i want peace, i want peace' again please bear in mind up i still didn't
know anything about sikhi and i apart from weddings etc i never used to go to
Gurdwara, obviously cus i was in no fit state they never took me to the Gurdwara
sahib on that occasion
(writers note - i am sorry for the length of this but now i've started writing
all the memories, emotions etc are coming back, Guru Sahib Kirpa Karo)
anyway at the end of that student year (now 19/20) i went home for hoildays.
and again all down to Guru Sahib, but i don't know how and why but i decided to
go on a Sikhi camp,i still didn't know anything about sikhi, infact the day
before i went i was still drinking, smoking gambling etc.
Anyway wow this camp, waheguru i can't even describe it, waheguru
it was totally out of this world- the first two days there i was just in a
daze didn't know what was going on, but by day 3 i was out of it-totally
out of it.
all this sangat, kirtan was blissful. when the SInghs did Sukassan with around
200 nawjawan following Guru Shaib singhing Gurbani i had a totally amazing
experience again i dodn't really want to say too much, but all i can say is
that for the first time in my life i finally felt peace, i knew i had reached
my home, this was were i wanted to spend the rest of my life, i could have
just died there and then.
Anyway the last two days of the camp were totally amazing the pyar etc the
feelings, the keertan,Guru's kirpa that i attended the camp. All the sangat
i met on that one week will always have that special place within my heart,
infact alot of the SInghs i met on that week are my closest sanagt today. Guru
Sahib knows all and did all, we were destined to meet again after many lifetimes
Within that week i did my prayes to Waheguru that i would never leave this place
and within that one week i gave up all my old habits, a singh tied my first
darstar and my dharree would ever remain intact :))
when i went home from the camp, my dad broke down in tears when we hugged :)
(and so did i) it was amazing. From that moment i had started with Gurujis
Blessings my journey on the path. The Sangat i kept was of people i met on the
camp, they started taking me to programmes all around the country, uni events,
rain-sbais etc etc.it was amazing.
for one and a half years i was just in sangat all the time ,programmes every
weekend by the end of this 1 and a half years i wanted amrit so bad- but i
still didn't know anything about sikhi, it was amazing because the Singhs
who used to take me to programmes when i first came to sikhi - they never
used to talk about sikhi with me - they just used to put on keertan tapes-
they hardly ever talked.
i even remeber aking one of the Singhs' 'where should i take amrit from' he
said if you are asking about where to take amrit from are you sure you are
ready'-don't worry about these things, Guru Sahib has got everything ready for you'
Waheguru i took amrit about 1 and a half years after that first camp, waheguru
i can't explain, but Guru Sahib waheguru thank you, waheguru.
i went into the amrit sanchar not knowing any paath not knowing anything,
but Guru Sahib has been there for me all my life, even in the old days , even
though i was far from a gursikhi life Guru ji was there to protect me :))
Since i have been into sikhi new things are learnt all the time,waheguru, Guru
Sahib is so amazing, even though even now ups and downs happen but as long as
we realise Guru Sahib is always there, never forget for an instance then we
will be fine.