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Peace at Last

I am not a good writer but will try to explain how with Guru's kirpa, I came into Sikhi.

First thing that needs to be said (and it's the same with everyone else) is that we were all destined with Guru's blessings to take on this way of life. It all stems from previous janams. We are all on a spirtual journey and thus Waheguru alone knows what experiences we all had to face in this life before realisation dawned.

I was born in UK. Mum and dad were both from eduacated, well known families back in india. Dad's family was from panjab and most of his elder brothers were into Sikhi,one in particurlar has been a great influence. While mums family were raised in Delhi, not much into Sikhi but some of the most nicest people you could ever meet.

Anyway growing up in uk, i didn't know anything about Sikhi, all my friends as a kid were english, mum and dad in their own way have always had a yearning for sikhi (which with Guru Sahib's kirpa is coming out at the moment) but in those days the whole family were more into working hard sending kids to good schools, dad would work away from home just so the family would have a good life.

anyway uptill 14 i was just growing up as any other kid school, tv, football, playing with friends etc etc.

At this point in my life - some people might view as a negative part of my life, however now looking back i know i had to go through this in order to be on the sikhi path today, Guru Sahib only alone knows the reasons why everything in my life was about to happen.

i had an elder brother who was always there for me, anything i needed he was there - however once he left home for uni, i started hanging around with ppl who were my brothers age -6/7 yrs older, still being young and naive (14) i thought too they would look after me like my brother used to.

BUT no i ended up getting into everything for a good 4 year period, i started smoking, drinking, taking all kinds of drugs, dealing drugs, getting into fights, robbery, everything. i used to go to all night raves deal drugs and take plenty of them too, i would get so high and in all honesty at that time the highs used to feel so good (but only now do i realsie these were all temporary highs, the real high is naam - never ending)

anyway by the age of 18 i was a real gone case- so skinny, 24/7 i was out of my face. These years i had put everyone around me through so much;(( Again even in those days Guru Sahib was with me because unlike my friends i was fortunate never to get caught by the police and go to prision, i still was in school passing my exams (even though i sat all my 16+ exams out my face on drugs)

so with Guru Sahibs kirpa i managed to get into a university i still don't know how to this day. Anyway university was a turnring point

The first year of uni i was still the same going out all night etc just leading that carefree life, but that's when problems started as i had cut down heavily on taking drugs, paranoia, depression, mental problems started, as a 18 yr old way from home i thought everyone was out to get me, the paranoia became worst, and one night i couldn't take it anymore, i was on a 4 year comedown and totally paranoid, so i sat in my room crying my eyes out about to kill myself, then out of no where came my moms voice (when i was a little child about 3 or 4 i couldn't sleep and used to get scared and at those times my mom used to say if u get scared say 'waheguru' 5 times and u will be ok), my mom was sayign the same thing as she used to say when i was 4 yrs old 'say waheguru' 5 times and u will be ok. u must realise at this time in my life i didn't even know what waheguru was, or anything about sikhi, but sub counsciensely because i had said waheguru when i was young it was buried deep in my mind/soul.

anyway that day in my eyes was the first major turning point (however Guru sahib probaly thinks different :)

from that day i knew i had to sort my life out, again with Guru's kirpa the second year of uni - i ended up living with panjabis - at this point i had given up drugs etc- and as all my previous friends had been gora, i thought yeah at last i have found my own people.

but far from it i released that panjabis were worse especially in drinking/gambling/fighting etc so i spend this year in the panjabi culture, during this year something really amazing happened, i would like to think it was an amzing blessing and a spirtual experience but only Guru sahib knows the truth, i don't really want to say much about this experince, but this was the beginning of the reawakening of my soul. after this i was still going out with all the lads, but deep down i was asking myself 'is this what life's about?

One other interesting story from this time of my life was after lectures one day, we had been drinking heavy all day and i had a arguement with a friend and i began to cry heavily and was totally confused in the head, there were about 7 ppl in the room and i just flipped, i started wailling on the floor saying 'take me to the Gurdwara, i want peace, i want peace' again please bear in mind up i still didn't know anything about sikhi and i apart from weddings etc i never used to go to Gurdwara, obviously cus i was in no fit state they never took me to the Gurdwara sahib on that occasion

(writers note - i am sorry for the length of this but now i've started writing all the memories, emotions etc are coming back, Guru Sahib Kirpa Karo)

anyway at the end of that student year (now 19/20) i went home for hoildays. and again all down to Guru Sahib, but i don't know how and why but i decided to go on a Sikhi camp,i still didn't know anything about sikhi, infact the day before i went i was still drinking, smoking gambling etc.

Anyway wow this camp, waheguru i can't even describe it, waheguru it was totally out of this world- the first two days there i was just in a daze didn't know what was going on, but by day 3 i was out of it-totally out of it. all this sangat, kirtan was blissful. when the SInghs did Sukassan with around 200 nawjawan following Guru Shaib singhing Gurbani i had a totally amazing experience again i dodn't really want to say too much, but all i can say is that for the first time in my life i finally felt peace, i knew i had reached my home, this was were i wanted to spend the rest of my life, i could have just died there and then.

Anyway the last two days of the camp were totally amazing the pyar etc the feelings, the keertan,Guru's kirpa that i attended the camp. All the sangat i met on that one week will always have that special place within my heart, infact alot of the SInghs i met on that week are my closest sanagt today. Guru Sahib knows all and did all, we were destined to meet again after many lifetimes etc etc.

Within that week i did my prayes to Waheguru that i would never leave this place and within that one week i gave up all my old habits, a singh tied my first darstar and my dharree would ever remain intact :))

when i went home from the camp, my dad broke down in tears when we hugged :) (and so did i) it was amazing. From that moment i had started with Gurujis Blessings my journey on the path. The Sangat i kept was of people i met on the camp, they started taking me to programmes all around the country, uni events, rain-sbais etc etc.it was amazing.

for one and a half years i was just in sangat all the time ,programmes every weekend by the end of this 1 and a half years i wanted amrit so bad- but i still didn't know anything about sikhi, it was amazing because the Singhs who used to take me to programmes when i first came to sikhi - they never used to talk about sikhi with me - they just used to put on keertan tapes- they hardly ever talked.

i even remeber aking one of the Singhs' 'where should i take amrit from' he said if you are asking about where to take amrit from are you sure you are ready'-don't worry about these things, Guru Sahib has got everything ready for you'

Waheguru i took amrit about 1 and a half years after that first camp, waheguru i can't explain, but Guru Sahib waheguru thank you, waheguru.

i went into the amrit sanchar not knowing any paath not knowing anything, but Guru Sahib has been there for me all my life, even in the old days , even though i was far from a gursikhi life Guru ji was there to protect me :))

Since i have been into sikhi new things are learnt all the time,waheguru, Guru Sahib is so amazing, even though even now ups and downs happen but as long as we realise Guru Sahib is always there, never forget for an instance then we will be fine.